I woke this morning feeling emotional, I wasn’t sad or upset, I just felt like I was in a quite calm place and it was making me feel odd having suffered for many years with a racing mind. This feeling felt quite strange to me. During my work day I felt my eyes fill up on more than one occasion for no reason at all. I mentioned my emotion to someone here at our office who practices yoga regularly and she told me if I was doing a lot of back bending and poses using my hips it would bring out a lot of emotion and then it all made sense.
I felt tired throughout the day, maybe I was emotionally drained or maybe it was the fact that it was now day 4 with no caffeine and going straight to Bikram after work and not getting home till 9:30. My hands were shaking slightly from the lack of caffeine but I decided to push on through. Even though I was feeling a little off today I was looking forward to heading to Bikram class after work. I wanted to be better than the day before. I wanted to conquer the positions and build on my strength.
I entered the class and placed myself right in front of the mirrors on the first row. In the classes before I had always placed myself in the back row, hiding away almost. Tonight I had confidence, I wanted to see myself fully in the mirror and perfect my postures.
During Bikram class you repeat every pose twice, like most first things in life you try once then you try a little harder the next time around, allowing you to correct the mistakes you made on the first try. I was recognizing what I was doing wrong in my poses and then correcting them, pulling and bending beyond the pain. I was learning the techniques and adjusting my postures to get the full benefits from them, but I was by no means mastering them.
I was starting to come to terms with an approach that I felt comfortable with, an approach that helped me to focus, made me feel stronger, and made me feel aware of my inner feelings. I felt confident and could definitely see a difference in the way I was acknowledging myself. When the 90 minutes came to an end I didn’t want to leave the class. I wanted to stay and maybe practice another back bend or try and lock my knees more in the standing head to knee pose, but I decided enough was enough and left the room.
Walking home I was starting to feel a tremendous difference, emotionally, spiritually, and also in the way I carried myself. I felt light and not heavy, I wasn’t worrying, and I didn’t have any negative thoughts… I just was, I was just me. A small tear drop fell from my cheek as I walked through the streets home.
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