Love Letters: Honest Advice For Those Who Date

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Hi, I’m Shani. You might know me from such blogs as…this one! Today, I’m starting a new, recurring column on BLDG 25 called Love Letters, in which I will answer any and all questions readers have about dating. Note, this is not an advice column for those in relationships, but instead a discussion for those hoping to be in one. I’m talking to you, the girl in the trenches, dealing with all the niceties of dating in the texting/Facebooking/Instagramming labyrinth we live in.

You might be asking yourself, what does this girl know about dating? Well, plenty, for starters, but what I will tell you is this, I make you no promises or guarantees about what we’ll discuss here, except one: I date, too! I’m right there with you, living through all the experiences you’ve had, and been confused by. We’re in this together.

So, you have a question, you say? Be bold, friends, and email that question to blog@freepeople.com. Each week, I’ll answer at least one (if not more!) of your questions, and I welcome your feedback in our comments section.

 

Q: Is it ever okay to date someone at work?

A: The easy answer is no. The standard answer is no. It’s a risky business, no pun intended, to date a coworker. What if it doesn’t work out? What if it makes others at the office uncomfortable? Lots of ifs, right? If the ifs worry you more than your coworker attracts you, I say the safe bet is to avoid it. However, let’s remember that we’re all grown ups. We’re also grown ups in an age when it can be hard to meet someone you connect with. Sometimes that connection is going to occur at the office, it’s inevitable. Handling the situation with maturity, and keeping all in-office contact strictly professional are the best tools you’ve got for dating a coworker. If you both go into it knowing, and accepting the “ifs”, you can proceed, with caution.

 

Comments

Jenny Ekberg -January 26, 2013, 7:22AM

I was always no. No no no no NO, do NOT date a co-worker, ever. That was until I fell so in love with my closest colleague that I had to act; I couldn’t live like that anymore, I felt that he was the love of my life. I decided that I would tell him, and if he didn’t LOVE me, as in BIG L, I would resign the next day and move back to my home country, on the other side of the planet. Seriously, I felt like I was jumping off a cliff because my job was really important to my career. So I told him. It was SO scary.

We are now married and have 3 year old twins.

Jenny Ekberg -January 26, 2013, 7:30AM

PS. and my advice would still be no, but if you REALLY fo are in love, yes , go for it like I did but as Shani says, proceed with caution and if it gets serious, disclose your relationship to your boss. I know people who kept it secret and got into BIG trouble, particularly if one person is higher “up the food chain” than the other. The bottom line is that you can’t help who you fall in love with… :o)

Jenny Ekberg -January 26, 2013, 7:33AM

PS again, I didn’t mean to give advice here, I just wanted to share my story! Shanis advice is definitely enough, it is great! :o)

cristina -January 26, 2013, 12:03PM

my parents met at work :)

Ali -January 26, 2013, 12:41PM

My sweetie and I met at work – worse than being just coworkers, he was my manager. We hit it off immediately, and then definitely proceeded with caution: we kept it professional and looked up any and all company rules on dating. When we didn’t want to keep a secret anymore, I left and found a new job. We couldn’t be happier with the way things turned out.

mel -January 26, 2013, 1:27PM

i dated a few people from work in the past. they both ended messy. so i declared that i was never dating anyone from work again. a short time later i fell for my husband, who was also a coworker. we dont work together anymore but, hey! sometimes it works out :]

denise -January 26, 2013, 1:57PM

i dated a couple guys from work, and it makes me shudder now. my advice is, don’t tell anyone until you’ve been dating for at least 6 months and you’re sure you really, really like them. i’m just glad i don’t see them too often and not many people know we dated. i avoid them completely (but we work in different departments, so it’s not too hard).

jenny w. -January 26, 2013, 2:55PM

My parents met at work and they have been married for almost thirty years. I am dating someone I work with now and we’ve been together for over a year. I have also dated people at work and it hasn’t worked out. The point is to be mindful. You don’t want to be unprofessional and you don’t want your personal life leaking into your work life so don’t do anything that would cast a shadow on your credibility. I would say be precautios because you will like other posters say have to face any mistakes you made daily by being reminded of them when you pass the guy in the halls. I think it is all a part of adulthood learning to deal with the consequences of being yourself and dating a coworker and be a rewarding opportunity for either growth or love. Good luck ladies!

Sophy Singer -January 27, 2013, 8:48PM

I agree with everyone above! Don’t date a co-worker. But if you do, know that it is a risk and please proceed with caution. I guess my advice here is (yes, I am giving advice – it’s what I do – I’m a dating coach): connections are connections and when you’re single they are hard to ignore and resist. The best situation when dating a co-worker is exactly that – DATING that person. Like, going on dates and getting to know one another in a romantic light, and hopefully, falling madly in love. The worst situation would be to start casually sleeping with someone you work with. This just leads to hurt feelings, false hope, and a very uncomfortable work environment. Really not worth risking your every-day surroundings just for some casual sex. You can do that with someone you meet at a bar, party, or online. Actually ,ANYWHERE but your workplace. That place, where you go. Every. Single. Day.

Get More Information -November 4, 2013, 7:01AM

Cool site you have going here.

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