Ayurveda Journal, Week 5: Finding My Way

Upon first meeting Lilavati, she told me that she feels that every woman who is meant to be at Temple of the Lotus will somehow find her way there. While my original intention that day was to find out what Lilavati and the temple were all about so that I could share an inspiring story on the blog… it quickly became clear that my presence there was so much more. There was something about Lilavati; something about the practice of Ayurveda; something about the feeling I got that very day… that just felt right. Something that told me that maybe this was exactly what I was needing.

I’ve always thought of myself as a happy person; a positive person. I love my life and everyone in it, and I truly appreciate that which I’ve been blessed to have… however, for the past few years I’ve kind of felt a little bit off, and this feeling seems to have intensified within the past few months. It could be due to a certain tragedy I’ve dealt with… it could also have nothing to do with that at all. It could be a feeling of unsettlement in these few years following my graduation from school; the stress-filled freedom that arises when one has no clear path carved out ahead. It could be due to childhood patterns of mine – patterns that I had absolutely no knowledge of until very recently… patterns with thinking and breathing and holding in emotion.

Whatever the cause — or catalyst, rather — I’ve recognized a need for healing, and I finally feel like I’m on my way there. I have awesome days and I have bad days, as we all do, but it was only until very recently that I realized that I can’t change the way I feel by solely altering external factors. What I’m learning is that we each hold the key to our own happiness; our own answers. Everything we need is already inside of us… and a huge part of this new-found realization has been due to everything I’ve experienced since being introduced to Ayurveda.

The other morning, I wrote some words of inspiration on a cardboard box and placed it on a dresser in my bedroom.  It’s nothing complex, just a simple thought that everything is okay; nothing is ever really wrong.

Looking at these words brings a feeling of lightness to me. It reminds me to breathe and brings a smile to my face, even if it’s a slight one. That very night, I pulled “The Power of Now” off my shelf and decided to read it for the second time. I read it once last year, but I think this time around it may have an even greater effect on me. I placed it on my bed, and two little pressed flowers fell out. I opened the book to find a bunch more.

It was the happiest little surprise – a surprise that I didn’t even remember setting up for myself. For some reason, I keep getting the feeling that everything is coming together. I’m taking it all in, and letting it all out. Just as I was meant to do.

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