I’m the Alpha Dog

By now I’m sure you all know who Abigail is. And, from her frequent popping up here on the blog, you can probably tell that she and I are attached at the hip. She is a loyal and loving companion who trots along next to me wherever I go. When people say that they and their pet were meant to be, I completely understand. Abigail’s my goof and I’m her ball, we’re two peas in a pod…

She doesn’t chew, she doesn’t bite, she comes when she’s called, but Abigail has another problem…

Abigail barks. She doesn’t do it when I’m home, but as soon as I leave, she raises an objection that bothers my neighbor to no end. I get it. I wouldn’t want to listen to it either. But for Abigail the separation anxiety is too much to handle, and she doesn’t know what else to do.

I’ve decided that this isn’t a matter I’m just going to give up on, so a friend of mine put me in touch with her friend that is a dog behaviorist. Stressed and desperate, I got on the phone with her to explore possible solutions.

The psychology behind separation anxiety in dogs turns out to be a fascinating topic. It seems that one of the major solutions is steadily training your dog over time to understand that you are the alpha dog, not them. Since I’ve learned this, I verbally remind Abigail every morning as she stretches awake that I am in fact the alpha dog (this wasn’t one of the trainer’s suggestions, but it’s nonetheless effective and entertaining).  The idea behind establishing your dominance is that they will understand it as their duty to be left behind.

So how am I establishing myself in my new role? Little tricks like running my hand through her food and not letting her eat till I say so. With my permission to eat food coated with my scent, she understands that the food she is getting is a generous act of kindness. I am the alpha dog. We’ve also been working on perfecting heel. Abigail should never lead – I walk out the door first; I set the pace; I choose where we go; and it all needs to be done with calm. Her world needs to be zen so that the general state of being will transfer to moments when I’m not around.

Another thing the trainer suggested to calm her down is a Thundershirt (pictured below). Derived from technology used in children with Autism, the contraption fits the dog snuggly and has a calming, anti-anxiety effect. Each time I mention it, I like to shout the word “Thundershirt!” as if it were a superhero call, think, “superman!” (not normal, but I’m the alpha dog so whatever…). To keep it clear – the way in which it should be said – I will include an exclamation mark to spell it out.

The Thundershirt! directions instructed that the Thundershirt! make a peace offering the first time it’s presented to the dog



As you can tell, I’m trying to have a lighthearted approach to the situation, but I’m not going to lie – it’s tough at times. I have amazing support from my friends, yet there are still moments where I can’t help but think how free I’d feel should I hand her off to my parents (who would gladly steal her from me as it is). Whenever I’m questioning if it’s worth it, she’ll conveniently plop her head down on my leg and stare up at me – her big brown eyes peeking out behind wild tufts of hair and melting my heart. It reminds me that I can’t give up on her.


Stay tuned for updates on Abigail’s journey to the bottom of the pack (or should I say my journey to Alpha dogness?). If any of you have gone through similar issues, or have tips on how to deal with separation anxiety in dogs, please share. My ears are open and I’d love to hear what you all have to say.

Leave a Reply

16 Comment threads
0 Thread replies
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
5 Comment authors
newest oldest most voted
Notify of

So excited to read this and know I am not alone. You are very lucky to have the option to bring her to work with you!

I love Abigail!!! She is worth it and will learn soon, you are making so much progress already! :)


My dog has separation anxiety, as well. What works for Gus Gus may not work for Abigail, but I figure it’s worth a shot. Practice leaving the house, I say “I’ll be back” before I go out the door, wait a few minutes and come back and do it again. I did this around ten times each training session. Another thing that helps is giving them plenty of things to chew on while you’re away. Oh, and this is a drastic measure, but when we got a second dog the barking stopped.


Try wearing an old shirt to bed at night and in the morning before you leave tossing it in Abigail’s bed or cozy area where she sleeps during the day. Your scent will be all over the tshirt and will remind you of her while your gone for the day! Kind of like a baby’s security blanket!


Abigail is so sweet. what a delightful face she has! xo


My dog is also a rescue, and went through the same thing abigail is going through. She would bark for a long time after we left her alone, or if we placed her in a crate. She also isn’t much of a chewer, doesn’t bite and isn’t possessive of her food or toys. I did exactly all the things you have been working on with your dog and believe me – it does get better! It has taken a few months but she has been great and now doesn’t bark except to alert us! Another trick is when you leave,… Read more »

I love this post! I want to compliment you for all you are doing to help Abigail through this! Your a great doggie mom! Keep up the good work! No dog is perfect and if it wasn’t separation anxiety it would be something else. When my dog isn’t happy that i leave she howls. It helps to give her lots of exercise! My 20 pound dog needs at least 2 hours of walking, running, or mental activities..such as working on tricks. When I leave her she is always in her crate, or as we call it her cave. This is… Read more »


love this post! ;)


This is random but a while back there was a picture on this blog that was like an iconic picture from the 60s or 70s maybe, I thought in Paris, of a famous model which like spraked the sweater and skirt trend? or somehting like that? I can’t find that picture for the life of me and it’s killing me!


I have never ever responded online but when I read about Abigail…I thought I’d try. Our Toy Pomeranian had the same separation anxiety & all I had to do was leave my slippers by her bed & she snuggled up to them & was quiet as a mouse when we left! Your scent from your slippers will calm her as if you are still there. You might want to give it a try. Our baby never chewed my slippers but if Abigail might you could try wearing an old pair of your slippers & then leaving them beside her bed.… Read more »


Opps…It was sooo many yrs. ago when we went through this with our little one that I forgot to mention some of the other things that we tried before we hit upon the slippers working. Have you tried leaving on spa like music (the sound of waves for eg.) when you leave? It is soothing & it will distract Abigail from hearing every little noise from outside when you are gone & responding by barking. Many dog trainers suggest walking or exercising your dog just before you leave to tire her out. She could be a breed that’s full of… Read more »


I always tell my dog that okay im leaving now, but i will be back soon dont worry, now be good and i give him a treat. As soon as i come how i say whos been a good boy? Lets seee now ( and look around the apt… as he waits in anticipation to be rewarded for being good) and if its all good i shout enthusiastically that “YOU’VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD BOY! You need a treat” and he gets super excited! It works for us :) MInd you we had our hard journey to it, my dog… Read more »


A fabulous product for Abigail! This type of tricky treat ball might just distract her enough that you will be able to leave her while she is playing & enjoying a treat. Check out this link http://www.omegapaw.com/products/tricky-treat-ball.html I have no connection to this product or company but our dog loved playing with it & retrieving her broken up doggie bones from it. It really held her focus. You might want to check it out. It comes in all sizes & is very reasonably priced. I’m sure there are other products out there using the same theme. Something as simple as… Read more »

It’s so funny to read what has been unfolding in my life for some time now! My dog is me. Myself, my fiancé and our Obi Wan…we are a unit, along with a scale tipping Russian blue tabby mix. That being said I have a pit bull, who for those who know, are verrrrry sensitive dogs. When I say that I don’t mean scary and unpredictable but just pathetic, heartbroken sensitivity. Obi also has very bad separation anxiety. We got him at a very young age, 6 weeks, which isn’t dire but definitely too young to leave his family. The… Read more »

Becoming the leader of your dog is the most important attitude that you must have. Before you can do this, your dog will not obey your command. You must learn to discipline your dog by understanding basic commands such as “Sit!”, “Stop!” and so on. Dogs often dig because they are bored or have no activity going on.