Love Letters: Be Brave

As promised, I’m back for week two, answering some of the thoughtful questions I received from our readers. Read below for my thoughts, and if you have a question you’d like to ask, email me at

Q: Is it now standard for girls to ask guys on dates? Long story short I never ever get asked out on a date and I am not sure how to deal with this predicament.

A: Awesome question! I know a lot of girls struggle with “cultural norms” of waiting for guys to ask them on dates, rather than asking themselves. I think it’s lovely when a guy asks a girl on a date. It displays confidence, and an attraction for the girl. It feels fantastic! However, many of us know things don’t always work out that way. If you’re finding that you’re not dating as often as you’d like, take some action! Typically, striking up a conversation with a guy you’re interested in will give you clues as to whether or not he’s interested in you, too. If you’re feeling a good vibe between you and a guy, ask him if he’d like to get coffee or drinks with you. Displaying the confidence it takes to ask a guy out is incredibly attractive. I say go for it! As for date number two…it’s his turn.

Q: How do I let someone know¬†I fancy them, without them thinking we are just being friendly? I’m a very friendly happy person with everyone around. However around the guy I like I tend to ignore him as I’m too shy to speak in front of him, we just exchange a lot of heated glances. The problem is he works at my Art University shop, so its very hard to make a start over the counter.

A: This answer is actually quite similar to the one above. It’s going to take some bravery on your part. But don’t worry! Bravery comes with the reward of displaying that attractive confidence we all try to exude. The next time you’re in the art store, introduce yourself. Let him know you’ve seen him around before, and you’d like to get a cup of coffee with him sometime soon. If it were me, I’d pass along my phone number and leave the ball in his court. You’ve summoned enough bravery already! Be prepared for two things: 1) He might not call, and 2) you’re going to have to see him at the art store after this. If you’re comfortable with both of those outcomes, go for it!


xo, Shani

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8 years ago

Hurray for bravery! :) An additional idea, especially for the second girl who likes the guy who works at her university shop, is to introduce herself and then invite him to join in on a fun group activity (dinner out, visit to the zoo, an art project, a hike…). If that piques his interest and he comes along you can get to know each other without the pressure of a date, and it might help you be your happy friendly self since your friends will be there too!
If you decide to ask him on a real date after that you’ll already have a shared experience to talk about… and if things don’t progress any further, it won’t be as awkward to see him in the shop because you started things in a casual way.

8 years ago

I hate this here. I’m from Brazil and over there guys always come to you.
Here seems like guys are more shy or don’t really look for girls. I just don’t understand.
My friends says that here girls should show that have some interest cause guys here are slower.
I just don’t know what to do.

8 years ago

I feel like even though guys try to tell us it’s sexy when a girl is confident enough to ask a guy out and make the first move, in my experience it usually ends up backfiring because they get too weird about actually going out and spending time rather than the ambiguous “hang outs” and make it a bigger deal than it is. I feel like guys in our generation, especially at the college age, have this belief that all girls want is a relationship and can’t even see from my perspective that I like to spend time with my guy friends as much as my girl friends. Don’t even get me started on trying to make things happen with a guy I’m actually interested in romantically. Be brave, but don’t even think too much into it. Guys are so wishy washy these days.

8 years ago

Oh cheez, you’re stuck in a muck with an art boy too? I am in the same deal!

8 years ago

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8 years ago

it depends upon the situation cause there are some instances the guy is so shy that he could not ask the girl to a date though you already feel the chemistry that you have,maybe in that case you can ask him about it relationships are hard, but people always think they are supposed to be easy. I only figured it out after I discovered Haley Hill, she wrote a very interesting book about it