February not only marks the first day of the official ‘love month’ but, today, one of our favourite writers, columnists and podcasters — Dolly Alderton — launches her debut book, “Everything I Know About Love.”
She wrote a dating column for the UK’s Times newspaper’s Style Magazine for 2 years, so it’s safe to say she knows a thing or two about relationships. Here, she shares with us a few excerpts from the book…a few tips from what she’s learnt along the way:
*Any decent man would take a woman at peace with herself over a woman who performs tricks to impress him. You should never have to work to hold a man’s attention.
*You probably won’t be best friends with your best friend’s boyfriend. Relinquish that dream, say so long to that fantasy. As long as he makes your best friend happy and you can stand his company for the length of a long lunch, as is well.
*Get a Brazilian wax if you want a Brazilian wax. If you don’t, don’t. Don’t ever get one for a man. And don’t ever not get one for ‘the sisterhood’ – the sisterhood doesn’t give a shit.
*More often than not, the love someone gives you will be a reflection of the love you give yourself. If you can’t treat yourself with kindness, care and patience, chances are someone else won’t, either.
*However thin or fat you are is no indicator of the love you deserve or will receive.
*Break-ups get harder with every year you get older. When you’re young, you lose a boyfriend. As you get older, you lose a life together.
*No practical matter is important enough to keep you in the wrong relationship. Holidays can be cancelled, weddings can be called off, houses can be sold. Don’t hide your cowardice in practical matters.
*If you lose respect for someone, you won’t be able to fall back in love with them.
*There are so many reasons a person might be single at thirty or forty or a hundred and forty, and it doesn’t make them ineligible. Everyone has history. Take the time to hear theirs.
*The perfect man is kind, funny and generous. He bends down to say hello to dogs and puts up shelves. Looking like a tall Jewish pirate with Clive Owen’s eyes and David Gandy’s biceps should be an added bonus and not a starting point.
*If you’re doing it for the right reasons and both parties are fully aware of the nature of the encounter, casual sex can be really good. If you’re using it like an over-the-counter prescription to feel better about yourself, it will be a horribly unsatisfying experience.
*The most exciting bit about a relationship is the first three months, when you don’t yet know if that person is yours. A great bit that comes right after that is when you know that person is yours. The bit that comes a few years after that is something I’ve never experienced. Apparently it’s not always exciting, but I’ve heard it’s the best.
*Let your friends abandon you for a relationship once. The good ones will always come back.
*To lower your heart rate and drift off on nights when sleep feels impossible, dream of all the adventures that lie ahead of you and the distances you’ve travelled so far. Wrap your arms tightly around your body and, as you hold yourself, hold this one thought in your head: I’ve got you.
Buy Dolly’s book here.
Image courtesy of Bloom and Wild.