Love Letters: Common Courtesy

As those of us in the dating world breathe a big “Valentine’s Day Is Over” sigh of relief, we can get back to the task at hand: Dating in the current text-only, online-crazed, casual romantic landscape. Today’s questions address some current issues, and I hope I’m able to shed a little light on a few dilemmas I’ve dealt with personally in the past. As always, if you’ve got a dating question, email me at


Q: What does it mean when a guy you’re interested in/are hanging out with calls you “dude”? Is it just their ‘go to’ general term? Because it makes me feel as de-sexualized as calling me “grandma!”

A: I hate to say this, but the “dude” references suggest to me that he thinks of you as a friend. If you’d like to explore the issue with him further, let him know your name is “Anna”, or whatever your name happens to be, and that you don’t really enjoy answering to “dude”. He’ll either get the picture and start referring to you in a more appropriate way, or you’ll get a pretty good idea that he thinks of you as a friend only (one of his dudes), and you should probably move on.


Q: A guy I recently started seeing only makes plans with me over text. I don’t think we’ve ever actually spoken on the phone. It feels a little impersonal, but I don’t know if I’m making a bigger deal of it than it really is. Help?

A: First of all, if you’re noticing this issue at all, it’s a big deal to you, and that’s okay! Calling you on the phone to make plans is the courteous thing to do. The next time he texts you to make plans, let him know you don’t have time to text right now, but he can call you later and make plans. When you think about it, a phone call isn’t asking a lot (at all), and if he’s really into you, he’ll call. If not, move on to someone who doesn’t fear the phone. You are worth a phone call, and far more.


  1. thought I was the only one getting furious about being sent only text messages or even worse FB inbox from my date :/
    I totally agree with you, if he is really into you he will quit the habit!

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